There are a purported eight million apps available for download in 2021 onto our devices, which means that there are at least a few outlandish, zany and downright weird applications in the ethersphere. Luckily for you, or perhaps unluckily for you I have managed to track down some of the best or maybe worst examples, thereof.
For you minimalists, there is a phone app called “Nothing.” It starts with a blank screen that you can stare at to deflate your overtaxed, worried mind while the app blocks all notifications you might receive. No incoming emails fraught with potential decision making on your part or worrisome news flashes to feed into your angst. But in abject contrariness, there is actually something on the Nothing app, possibly in an effort to prove that you can get something from nothing. When you enter what is called a Konami code, which consists of a series of swiping gestures, a ten-hour video will play to ease your mind as you partake. I downloaded the Nothing app to my phone, which takes about ten seconds, which seems an eternity for a mere nothing. I entered the Konami code successfully to discover a looped video of Gandalf of “Lord of the Rings,” incessantly bobbing his head to a monotonous tune consisting of about twenty notes of “music”. I would classify this video not as a relaxing mind exercise, no I would classify it as being nothing more than irksomely repetitious. It seems as though I am in the minority, as the app has garnered an average of 4.5 out of 5 stars with over a million viewers. Unfortunately, these numbers may indicate that many folks have been quarantined for far too long, either by government edict or the self-imposed kind, to which I say, “GET SOME FRESH AIR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!” Fortunately, for the downloader, the Nothing app costs nothing, which is something, at least.
In another apparent sign of the decline of civilization, you can download an app called “Is It Dark Outside?” This program is ideal for the cellar dweller gamer, who is not game enough to access a window or a doorway to see if it is night or day, which could be due to a game leg. Hopefully, in this case there is a responsible adult about to open a window to make sure the video arcade user is getting some fresh air, so that the gamer’s gaming mind does not become gamey.
After the techno geek, has been informed by their “Is It Dark Outside?” app that it is in fact nighttime, the vigilant gamer might decide to hit the hay. If the overwrought player is still too revved up to sleep, then there is an app to help with this insomniac condition called “Sheep Counter.” This app depicts sheep bounding one by one across the screen, even counting the sheep for you, which seems a bit counterintuitive, but supposedly will lull you into a sweet slumber. Ah, the boundless wonders of modern technology, are at times, so uninvigorating.
If you are tired of apps that count the sheep for you, you can download a program called “$1000000” where you can count $50 and $100 bills to the tally of one million dollars if you are feeling a tad miserly. It would seem that this app would be most appropriate to aid you in wafting off to a dreamland of diamond encrusted Lamborghinis and super yachts, whether you were tired or not, at the outset.
After you have reposed for a gentle night or day of sleep, there is an app called “Wakie” that is an alarm that will coax you from your slumber. Strangely enough a wake-up call will come from some stranger, anywhere in the world. The voice could be that of a Japanese teacher, an artist from Indonesia, and hopefully not that of a Marine drill sergeant from Camp Lejeune, screaming, “Get to your hind legs soldier!”, with Reveille blaring from a screeching bugle.
“Pimple Popper” is a handy dandy app where you can use your fingers to pop zits or scratch scabs pictured on your phone screen. When you are done preening, you can download an app called “Blower” to blow out candles, even those on your birthday cake. The app uses sound vibrations to perform this tedious task for you, if you don’t possess the gumption or the initiative to do so. I wonder, if you use an app to blow out birthday cake candles after you have made a wish, will the wish come true? Perhaps someone will create an app called “Wishy Washy” to overcome this conundrum.
David Kittredge is a regular contributor to The Eagle Times. You can send comments to him via the editor.